2010

This is not going to be just any year. It is going to be a year of pajama sets, failed parking meters, and finding a dry cleaner that doesn't just wrap my dirty clothes in plastic. Yes, I feel myself sitting straighter and wearing my retainer. I'm going to carry that book and brush those teeth. I am going to be great.

Goodbye 2009, you sucked.

Happiness

That's what I want.

Eat Your Heart Out

Or I'll Eat It Out Of You

Let's Talk Turkey

Goals for 2010: (Starting now)

1.) Stop biting nails and the skin around them.
2.) Stop thinking that I'm dying of cancer.
3.) Stop equating accomplishment with gluing shit together.
4.) Incorporate lettuce into my diet of frozen and fried.
5.) Break down walls.
a.) The one that has to do with a treadmill.
b.) The one that keeps me from making meaningful relationships.
c.) And build one between my mouth and my brain.

Thursday's a good day for surgery.

They All Have One Fat Thing In Common

Dolores Del RioRita Hayworth
Paola Mori
Oja Kodar

Perfect

Machine Girl

Revenge is a complicated issue in American cinema. We seem to lose ourselves in the idea of striking a balance between good and evil. I say we do as the Japanese do, and embrace the demon inside.

This is me being worldly.

I'll never understand the German people. They do the darn-est things. Hence the success of Reuters. Reuters is basically an outlet for, "Look at how crazy the Germans and Japanese are." (If you don't believe me, check out the Oddly Enough section.) I have the highest admiration for Japanese culture and I have an unexplainable respect for Germany's people but they both do some ridiculously awesome stuff. For example, the way Germany has celebrated the 2oth anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.
Above is one of the two giant marionettes that were used in some sort of performance. Totally creepy, but really cool. Oh Germany, erasing the past with ginormous puppets and nudity. I respect that.

To see more photos of the marionettes click here.

The Science of Sleep

Science confuses me.

I just got meatball up my nose.

My roommate left me his crock pot when he moved out. He made these awesome meatballs with grape jelly and cocktail sauce. I laughed and got a piece up my nose. My insides are burning. I never know whether to inhale or blow my nose. Whichever one I do first is always the wrong one. Sometimes it happens with rice.

Netflix Suggests

That is a Netflix genre. I'm assuming it is suggested to all kids born in 1985.

Dark Shadows

My old roommate used to review films. It was great because he would take me to screenings that were free and I felt special. He was sent the first season of Dark Shadows to review before its upcoming dvd release. Neither of us had ever heard of Dark Shadows. The back of the case mentioned a vampire and I guess that was enough for me to join him. I watched the first 4, maybe 5 episodes with no sight of the vampire. Later I found out the vampire wasn't a character until the second season. It was the most unmemorable show I have ever seen. All I remember is a brief shot of a castle on a cliff and a loud whistle during the opening credits.

Zombies: Resurecting Funny

I'm not one to say comedy is dead. But if I was, I would say it has been reborn. Reborn in the form of the undead, or the living dead, or the severely infected.
Ghostbusters is how I judge funny and have trouble laughing with movies that don't share it's humor. My main problem with comedies about poop jokes is the same problem I have with horror films. Once I'm shocked the joke is no longer funny, the death no longer scary. A lot of people can't watch a movie twice. It makes sense if you like horror movies or poop jokes.
Ghostbusters is a good story with funny people. I don't go into it thinking, What are these idiots going to do this time? To make my long story short I saw Zombieland this weekend and it is brilliant. Bill Murray makes a cameo, is praised for his role in Ghostbusters, and then shot by Jesse Eisenberg. I don't think Murray's death is a symbolic passing of the funny baton, but maybe the powerpack and in this case the shotgun. Murray approves of Eisenberg and if he is good enough for Bill, he's good enough for me.
If there was a glitch in time and the actors of today were the actors of 1984, no one could replace Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and Dan Aykroyd. But Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and Jesse Eisenberg would be good substitutes. They all have experience fighting the dead and are all hysterically normal.

But no one can replace Sigourney Weaver.

Elvira

Elvira is known as the Mistress of the Dark. I have a deep respect for her character and career. Cassandra Peterson made a career out of playing a scantily clad, ditsy, goth whose speech is best described as a southern valley girl. Her character is mildly offensive in the most charming of ways. She entertains. No statements, no cultural assessments. I'm not smart enough to know what makes an icon or what constitutes pop cultural truism. All I know is that Elvira wasn't trying to be anything, she just happened to be a weirdo that everyone loved.

Let the Right One In

True love lasts a lifetime. Unless of course you are undead. Then its tricky.

Numbers. Letters. Awesome.

There were a couple years that I had to see a math tutor after school. She had a tight Brillo-like perm and drank lukewarm water. She ate the instant macaroni and cheese bowls with very little water so the noodles were crunchy and the cheese powder wasn't fully dissolved. Those were her only oddities that I knew of, but they were enough to keep her single and lonely and teaching slackers how to divide. I still can't multiply 7's and 8's. I only know 9's because of that finger trick.
On the way to my parents I pass a place called Kumon. It's a learning center advertising, Math. Reading. Success. Being a learning center I think Kumon is pronounced Come On. Come on, you can do it! The face is skeptical almost confused. Which makes sense considering those using a learning center. It's definitely less antagonizing then a smiley face. I hate smiley faces. If I could, I would punch smiley faces in their smiley faces.
The founder of Kumon, Mr. Come On

X-Files

I recently started watching the X-Files. One disk into the third season I have become very attached to Skully and Mulder. Lately the postal service has had difficulty delivering mail, resulting in delays in Netflix deliveries. When the DVD doesn't arrive I figure Skully and Mulder are investigating some mystery. I curse Mulders name for not letting me spend time with Skully but that's teamwork. No one gets them like I do. There is obvious tension between myself and Skinner. I respect his position and person but sometimes he gets in the way. The problem is he is too normal. He doesn't constantly question his life's purpose, he looks for no reason, he just does his job. I questioned my purpose and reasoned that it is to do my job. I am doomed to be a Skinner. I'm not nearly smart enough to be a Skully and can't be a Mulder because my sister has never been abducted. All that's left is being disliked by both sides and a lot of paperwork.
They have each others backs. They wear suits with shoulder pads that never get dirty. They where long coats that don't get in the way while in pursuit of suspects. The photo above is how I think of them. Strong, suited, and toned in browns. That is why the photo below is so startling. No coats, leather jacket, exposed leg, bright colors; I don't know what to think or how to feel. What are they doing in such badly postured positions?