The Baumer

My friend has a really great site dedicated to his life of habit forming.  He makes light of addiction by indulging in the absurd.  He also happens to be the only person to read my blog so if you want to visit your site, click here.

Here is a recent posting that I enjoyed:

a list of nice things you could say to people who deserve to hear you say good things about them

- Your smile reminds me of a puppy.

- When you opened your mouth to say what you said I did not regret that I had ears.

- You are a fantastic person and I’m glad that we have class together today.

- Don’t let anyone tell you that you are different from who you are because I really enjoy who you are.

- You should feel good because you probably mean the world to someone and their life is a thing that they can enjoy better because they know you.

- If there was a contest between two groups of people and the two groups of people had an equal number of people in them and the contest was to see what group had the most people and you showed up late and joined one of the groups then you would be the difference maker.

- Your brain is made of neurons because I think all brains are made of neurons, but I like the order of your neurons.

- There’s a real sense of sparkle power to your aura right now.

- Once I saw you walking down the street and I got really excited and yelled unintelligible things and people looked at me and I pointed at you and then everyone understood and it was okay.

- I heard you’re really good at that dance trend that hasn’t been invented yet.

- I wish I could hold the words you just said in my head forever and repeat them when I am lonely.

- They say things about pictures and a large quantity of words but when I see you I can only think of three…You’re. So. Cool.

- I heard you make the sexiest pancakes.

Keep whats in the box. I'll take a flack jacket.

After allowing enough time to forget having disliked the preview for The Spirit, I finally watched it last night.  The beautiful costuming and overall styling doesn't make up for the lack of story.  The entire film is one character introduction after the other.  Like most comic inspired stories, the heroes are reluctant with dark pasts they are unwilling to confront.  This film is more like watching the annoying girl that sings in every high school musical take on the role of a prostitute.  Besides the fact that she sucks a lot of dick, it's not very convincing.

With a hundred characters to choose from, a couple shine through.  The shiniest being Morgenstern.  A rookie cop with a big grin and good aim that will, "Make detective in no time."  As the most innocent of the bunch, she's the only one that doesn't look like she's playing dress up. 

Her police catsuit, psychobabble, naive stride, constant texting, and Star of David around her neck is a more thoughtful construction of a human than the endless flashbacks needed to sort out the beginnings of the two leads.

The Spirit is nothing more than a vehicle for Miller to make talking pictures.  In that he succeeds.  The women are gorgeous, the expressions, frames, and speech all reference a century of moving images.  On top of that, he uses a Pandora's Box.  Oh Miller, why oh why do you need to go there?  Everyone loves a good Pandora's Box.  What's in it?  What's in it?!  We love to ask.  A what, a golden fleece?  Is that a Jason and the Argonauts reference?  Really?  It's grenade proof?  Wait.  But The Spirit just survived 8 shotgun blasts to the chest, a toilet to the skull, and many other easily more deadly situations than a grenade.  Doesn't Batman's cape do that?  Clearly Miller didn't read the Pandora's Box Rule Book.
1.  If asked what's inside.  Don't tell.
2.  If you have to tell, make it kill everyone.
Pretty simple.  But no.  He tells us what it is.  The most precious thing in the whole wide world is a explosion resistant blanket.  Below is Sand Saref opening a chest containing, "What every girl wants."  Yeah, every girl wants a fleece.

The following are movies that do it better.

Kiss Me Deadly: Lily Carver opening what turns out to be a nuclear bomb.
We find out what it is.  Everyone dies.

Raiders of the Lost Arc: Rene Belloq right before the spirits of the arc eat him alive.
We sort of find out what's inside.  Still, everyone dies.  Unless you kept your eyes shut, but then the secret is safe.

Pulp Fiction: Vincent Vega being awesome.
We never find out.  Our soles are spared.

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More Morgenstern.  Ain't she cute!