Best Moments: Weekend At Bernie's

There are bad moments in great movies, and great moments in bad movies.  And then there are moments that are so true to life, that I can't help but find them brilliant.

Weekend at Bernie's
-We've all experienced such infuriating heat that nothing phases us, besides the heat.



1:10 - "Get your ass out of here.  It's too hot!"

Teenage Zombie

What would you do if you were one of the last people on Earth?  Watch the below preview of Night of the Comet for suggestions.

If I'm one of the last people, I plan on playing this on my way to the mall.

Spielberg Face

What's Your Lake House?

This one is equally offensive

Don't judge a movie by it's awful DVD cover

Everyone has a movie that... 

1.  Is not popular.
2.  Is not hated.
3.  Hasn't won major awards.
4.  Is not a sequel.
5.  Is not a cult classic.
6.  No group considers it a guilty pleasure.
7.  The lead roles are well known actors.
8.  Didn't have a big budget.
9.  Is not independent.
10.  And most people don't believe you when you say it's good.

Mine is The Lake House.  I expressed my fondness of this film to two of my friends.  One of which immediately responded, "Mine's The Skeleton Key."  The other doesn't understand the concept as his is The Lord of the Rings.

What's your Lake House?

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Why do I like the The Lake House? Click here to find out.

Scary Movies

For anyone looking to celebrate the upcoming holiday with scary movie screenings, I suggest checking out Cinema Du Meep for suggestions.  I guarantee you'll find movies you'll love and haven't seen.  It's a blog run, not by a man, but by a movie computer.  To check it out for yourself, click here.

The awesome mug my Mom just gave me.

Murder By Death

A lot of comedy is based on reference.  The obvious problem is with time the subjects lose relevance.  Murder By Death has this problem.  Sometimes I hate reference based comedy because nobody likes feeling left out of a joke.  Here is a cheat sheet to help.  The photos below are from onscreen adaptations of novels.  I haven't read any of the books so I'm just as much a cheater as you.

Warner Oland as Charlie Chan

SIDNEY WANG is based on the Chinese detective Charlie Chan.  Charlie Chan was originally a character from a book but was popularized by Warner Oland's portrayal of the detective in Charlie Chan Carries On (1931).

Humphrey Bogart as Sam Spade

SAM DIAMOND is based on the hard-boiled crime fiction characters of the 1930's, most notably Sam Spade from the Dashiell Hammett novel, The Maltese Falcon.  The character became a household name when Humphrey Bogart portrayed Spade in the Warner Bros. 1941 film adaptation.

David Suchet as Hercule Poirot

Margaret Rutherford as Miss Marple

JESSICA MARBLES & MILO PERRIER are based on the Agatha Christie characters, Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot.  The numerous onscreen adaptations of the characters don't come close to the popularity of Christie's novels.

William Powell, Skippy, & Myrna Loy as Nick, Asta, & Nora Charles

DICK & DORA CHARLESTON are based on Nick and Nora Charles from the popular Thin Man film series.  William Powell and Myrna Loy teamed up to make five films between 1936-1947.

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And yes, that is Obi-Wan Kenobi as the blind butler, Jamesir Bensonmum.

Alec Guinness as OB1

Also, Truman Capote makes an appearance as Lional Twain.  I think the character is based on Truman Capote.

Best Casting Ever: Movies

Five of the best and most unlikely casting decisions ever...

#5.  Michael Keaton as Batman in, Batman (1989)

My image of Batman was shaped by Tim Burton's casting of Beetlejuice as the Dark Knight.

#4. Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones and Colin Firth as Mark Darcy in, Bridget Jones's Diary

I wonder what was going through Colin Firth's head when he accepted the role of Mark Darcy after gaining fame playing the exact same role in the 1995 mini-series, Pride & Prejudice.

#3.  Marlene Dietrich as Mexican gypsy, Tanya in Touch of Evil

Orson Welles was clearly being Orson Welles when he decided that he'd cast the actress with the most recognizable German accent as a Mexican.  But it's Dietrich and she can pull anything off.

#2. Nicolas Cage in everything.

My friend recommended this movie that highlights Cage's unique acting style.

#1. Peter Sellers honoring the Charlie Chan character as Sydney Wang in Murder By Death
Charlie Chan is a character made popular in part due to the ridiculousness of Caucasian's playing the Chinese detective.  Sellers is genius.

Friday Night Feature: Manhattan Murder Mystery

Manhattan Murder Mystery is a great movie. Here are five reasons you should watch it tonight.
1.  It's basically Annie Hall: Part 2
2.  Woody Allen snobs hate it. (But probably secretly love it.)  I strongly suggest it for people who don't usually enjoy Allen.
3.  Diane Keaton at her best.
4.  It's currently streaming on Netflix.
5.  Anjelica Huston.

A dead body and a broken elevator, "A neurotics jackpot."

What is Art?

In an earlier post I mentioned liking films that question the fine art community.  In case you wanted to watch a couple I suggest...

Teri Horton with her thrift shop find.

Who the #$&% Is Jackson Pollack?, is a documentary about Teri Horton, a retired long haul trucker, and a piece of art she purchased for $5.00.  

Marla Olmstead...poor kid.

My Kid Could Paint That, is a documentary that questions if a toddler is a prodigy, if her father is a fraud, and why the value of the pieces in question are dependent on the maker.

Orson Welles', F is for Fake, questions who decides, what is art?  I got half way through it before deciding it was too much Orson Welles.  But some people can't get enough of him, so there you go.

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To read my aforementioned post click here.

Delta Force

Delta Force can be watched in its entirety on YouTube.  The 1986 film stars Hanna Schygulla, Chuck Norris, Lainie Kazan, and Robert Forster plays a guy named Abdul.

For the second half click here.

Keep whats in the box. I'll take a flack jacket.

After allowing enough time to forget having disliked the preview for The Spirit, I finally watched it last night.  The beautiful costuming and overall styling doesn't make up for the lack of story.  The entire film is one character introduction after the other.  Like most comic inspired stories, the heroes are reluctant with dark pasts they are unwilling to confront.  This film is more like watching the annoying girl that sings in every high school musical take on the role of a prostitute.  Besides the fact that she sucks a lot of dick, it's not very convincing.

With a hundred characters to choose from, a couple shine through.  The shiniest being Morgenstern.  A rookie cop with a big grin and good aim that will, "Make detective in no time."  As the most innocent of the bunch, she's the only one that doesn't look like she's playing dress up. 

Her police catsuit, psychobabble, naive stride, constant texting, and Star of David around her neck is a more thoughtful construction of a human than the endless flashbacks needed to sort out the beginnings of the two leads.

The Spirit is nothing more than a vehicle for Miller to make talking pictures.  In that he succeeds.  The women are gorgeous, the expressions, frames, and speech all reference a century of moving images.  On top of that, he uses a Pandora's Box.  Oh Miller, why oh why do you need to go there?  Everyone loves a good Pandora's Box.  What's in it?  What's in it?!  We love to ask.  A what, a golden fleece?  Is that a Jason and the Argonauts reference?  Really?  It's grenade proof?  Wait.  But The Spirit just survived 8 shotgun blasts to the chest, a toilet to the skull, and many other easily more deadly situations than a grenade.  Doesn't Batman's cape do that?  Clearly Miller didn't read the Pandora's Box Rule Book.
1.  If asked what's inside.  Don't tell.
2.  If you have to tell, make it kill everyone.
Pretty simple.  But no.  He tells us what it is.  The most precious thing in the whole wide world is a explosion resistant blanket.  Below is Sand Saref opening a chest containing, "What every girl wants."  Yeah, every girl wants a fleece.

The following are movies that do it better.

Kiss Me Deadly: Lily Carver opening what turns out to be a nuclear bomb.
We find out what it is.  Everyone dies.

Raiders of the Lost Arc: Rene Belloq right before the spirits of the arc eat him alive.
We sort of find out what's inside.  Still, everyone dies.  Unless you kept your eyes shut, but then the secret is safe.

Pulp Fiction: Vincent Vega being awesome.
We never find out.  Our soles are spared.

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More Morgenstern.  Ain't she cute!

Lisa - Weird Science

Machete

It's sad to say Michelle Rodriguez in the above outfit is the highlight of Machete.  It lacked everything I expected and wanted.  I expected more interesting kills, and wanted more skin.  Rodriguez took the initial trailer and filled in the gaps.  The gaps being the boring parts between trailer worthy clips.  It was an excuse to put Lindsey Lohan in a nun's habit and give Robert De Niro a southern accent.

Nerds Unite!

I'm not a big concertgoer.  Especially when you are forced to bounce and clap so your friend doesn't stand alone.  Friday night I was fortunate enough to see Huey Lewis and the News.  My friend missed their concert 25 year ago so this was his chance.  We traveled two and a half hours each way to feel the Power of Love.  It was as expected.  The distance from home and the unattractive crowd made the awkward stand-dancing bearable.

Music of the Movies by the LA philharmonic is more my speed.  People aren't expected to do anything but sit back and enjoy the show.  The orchestra was conducted by John Williams who lectured us on film between songs.  Brilliant.

Tapeheads at the New Beverly Cinema

I attended my first showing at the New Beverly Cinema.  They show double features for $7.00 cash money.  The theater was recently saved from bankruptcy by none other than Quentin Tarantino.  I question the authenticity of directors.  The rich and famous always associate themselves with noble pursuits in third world countries, where they can speak on behalf of an association that gives them more credibility than they're worth.  Or at least something that their name can be affixed to.  Not Tarantino, he's legit.  He saved a god damned theater because he could.  How many times have you been bothered by something and thought, if I had the money.  He's the ultimate moviegoer and hasn't forgotten the rest of us -lining up for a movie released 22 years ago.  Curing diseases and rebuilding impoverished nations is all well and good but he gave back to something that has saved so many of us, the movies.

Tapeheads is basically two guys pursuing their dreams of making music videos.  For being a film I've never heard of, it has many recognizable faces and voices.  But now I understand why I've never heard of it, it's boring.  The film is too convoluted for a storyline which would have been perfect if left alone.  The best parts of the film are the two videos they create for their production company, Video Aces.  Like so many films, it's an accidental homage to Los Angeles.

Their first video is a commercial for Roscoe's Chicken Waffles.


The second video is for the fictional band Cube-Squared.


Roscoe's is a real place, with really good food.  And Baby Doll is actually by Devo, making the likability of the tune acceptable.

The director and a couple of the actors were present for a post screening informational.
Their insight resulted in the following nuggets of brilliance.
1.  John Cussack is physcially very strong and not bad at basketball.
2.  Tim Robbins was a jackass even before he was famous.
3.  Catherine Hardwicke, the director of the first Twilight installment was the Production Designer for Tapeheads.  She got the job because she was dating the director Bill Fishman.
4.  Fishman lives by the motto, "Style over substance."  (There is something disconcerting about this phrase but I'm starting to question if I too agree.)

What I'm Thinking Right Now

I'm Thinking...

...you should see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.
 That I need to find...

That Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis combined will never, ever, surpass the awesomeness that is...

That I look like this person...

+ this person.

That my favorite part of her video is...

...and my favorite part of his...

My life is a special occasion. Glow sticks for all. Everyday? Yeah!

Let The Right One In and The IT Crowd are becoming American.  The friend who told me, laughed and informed me that they have known about my super secret blog.  This person isn't good at breaking bad news.  I'm upset on all counts.  I found comfort at the dollar store, spending my savings on glow sticks.  Something about the shiny packaging promises to make up for all the fun I missed as a teenager.  Glow sticks were a luxury as a kid but now I bask in the fluorescent glow that only plastic can provide.

Inception: Dream Falatio 101

Like Titanic and The Departed I had no intention of seeing Inception in the theatre.  I wouldn't have seen them at all, but when Mom comes home with a two part VHS set,  I can't help but tell her I've been waiting to see it.  A friend took me to Inception, they promised a good time.  Inception is a melodramatic nightmare.  The characters are unlovable self indulgent, juvenile, addicts with no redeeming qualities.    The fight scenes are pathetic, the concept is used, and you should listen to that little voice in your head that whispers, "DiCaprio sucks."

Carmen MiranDarth

The above are displayed in a comic book shop on Melrose and La Brea.

Hot Girls & Dinosaurs

The Black Keys new video for Next Girl isn't anythings special.  It's girls in bikinis fighting over a lip-syncing dinosaur.  No "directed by," no pseudo acting by the musicians, just hot girls, dinosaurs, and a catchy tune.